I did good, until I couldn't.

 

My goodness. My jaw and face has disappeared with the tooth and bone loss!

C2019

I guess it's all making sense about my health issues. You would think one doctor in 60 years would know this!

Around 1972, I was diagnosed by biopsy of a form of scleroderma, Morphea.  An autoimmune thing

At that time, the doctors all.. dermatologist, ob, PC, all saw it as an early death. 

 We wanted a baby.  I was afraid to get pregnant and they said it was hereditary.  I was worried about Shannan like you can't imagine. Maybe that's why I couldn't discipline her. 

They all said it shows up at early adulthood. I got the first lesion around 19.  

Talking with Dr. Robert Jacobson, I decided to let her live her life without a perceived handicap.  

So that's twice I lied to her, isn't it? Oh my.

I still would have made that choice.  I must have been about 30 when they realized the come of age thing was wrong.  I'm glad she didn't have to go through that. 

My goodness...all at the same time as Linda and the wreck, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, ...Then it got bad!

I don't understand why I didn't crack a decade earlier than I did!

Jesus Christ.. who survives this!?

Anyway.

So Dr. Jake and I became good friends. 6'+. Bald and a big old kid grin.  We had some long talks in his office. I lost track of him after he moved away. 

 I started seeing him right after Shannan was born and that cruel son of a bitch who almost killed me.

Jake was in the same room with his patient. He was a new young doctor and he was amazing. I was being tortured and he never forgot it.  I overheard him telling a nurse about that when Danny was born and he thought I was asleep. 

So I had talked with him about having another baby and he said, "No doctor could or should tell me if I should have a child!"

And little Danny was born. I've told that story on this blog and how Darrell Wells managed to destroy our lives that day. 

So more lesions came over the years. Other symptoms..

We found out not many years ago that you produce too much collagen with Morphea.  In my old age that was wonderful..at 70 I looked like a 35 year old who never had kids.

It screws with your joints. 

It made pockets of goo on my neck, face . squeezed it out!

After 2 of 3 bouts of covid, it disappeared! Scars were all over my back. I was very self conscious.

Now there's no scars from lesions and I am wrinkled like a 75 year old should be! Ugly! All at once!

Well... anyway, now I read that the autoimmune thing is part of the loose ligament thing. All related.

Both are symptoms....of what?? 

It is familial at least.  My mother had both I believe .. is the tremor related? Probably. 

The pancreas certainly is.

It's probably all about our food. 

Liz Cheneys husband Phil Perry was Monsanto's head lawyer!

Hello! Follow the money!

YOU BETTER START LISTENING TO TRUMP AND KENNEDY!

YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IS AT STAKE. 

SO! I am old and wrinkled and bent over and hurt. 88 lbs. 

Lol.  I was on a dating site in 2017 and two of the guys were interesting.  They accused me of lying about my age. Couldn't figure out what scam I was running by claiming to be older than I really am!  I was so flattered I didn't care if they cussed me out and thought I was a scammer! Lmao!

I couldn't get rid of the young ones.. they just wouldn't quit and kept getting in the way of something else to consider.

Sigh...some of it was fun.

I was a bitch. Just couldn't commit to anyone again.

I hurt some feelings. But mostly, old men just hate it when you play the game better than them, so screw you. 

Didn't want to leave the kids or my home. I liked it! I worked hard and was set for life there. 

It finally felt like home. 

The body is amazing. I would be in good shape if I hadn't been broken half the time. It's a miracle that I accomplished what I did. 

I did good, until I couldn't.

B.