If I could change one thing

 

If I could go back and change one thing, I would change me in 1984.  I would never divorce Dan Milich. As horrible as he was at times, he had good reason. Reasons I simply couldn't understand until I went through what he was going through.  It's difficult to understand something you know nothing about.  He wouldn't talk except to say something hurtful. He refused to stop using drugs and drinking and never showing up when we needed him. I thought he hated me! I gave him the freedom he demanded!
He didn't deserve to die afraid and alone with Rick Johnson lying about his life!
 Not him, not the kids, no one advised me otherwise.  The marriage counselor said he would never change, only get worse.  He was so cruel and confused. 

All I know is I was wrong!
He was the best thing that ever happened to me. 
I miss you so much. 
I know you loved these kids now. I wish you had told me!

Comments

  1. BMarch 5, 2025 at 12:34 PM

    I'm so tired of crying.
    I didn't go through all this to lose everything! Everyone!

    ReplyDelete
  2. BMarch 5, 2025 at 2:14 PM

    BP 184/90

    ReplyDelete
  3. BMarch 5, 2025 at 3:26 PM

    I hope someday you will forgive me, Danny and Shannan. I love you so much! I thought I was a pretty good mom, but I understand now that I was horrible. I didn't know that I was mentally ill. I had so many responsibilities and never got to be a kid or grow up. My life was one tragedy after another except for you two and my grandbabies.
    I didn't know I was at bad mother. There was too much to learn all at once.
    No one complained..ever!
    Except Dad and nothing I ever did was good enough.

    Please believe me that the last thing I wanted was to hurt you.
    You must promise me to never see me like this or dead.
    Please try to remember something good about us!
    Please
    There must have been something I did right!
    Anything!

    I'm so sorry

    I'm so sorry

    ReplyDelete
  4. BMarch 5, 2025 at 3:27 PM

    I hope someday you will forgive me, Danny and Shannan. I love you so much! I thought I was a pretty good mom, but I understand now that I was horrible. I didn't know that I was mentally ill. I had so many responsibilities and never got to be a kid or grow up. My life was one tragedy after another except for you two and my grandbabies.
    I didn't know I was at bad mother. There was too much to learn all at once.
    No one complained..ever!
    Except Dad and nothing I ever did was good enough.

    Please believe me that the last thing I wanted was to hurt you.
    You must promise me to never see me like this or dead.
    Please try to remember something good about us!
    Please
    There must have been something I did right!
    Anything!

    I'm so sorry

    I'm so sorry

    ReplyDelete
  5. BMarch 5, 2025 at 3:28 PM

    Please take care of my kitties

    DINKY has the best heart. I'm afraid he's sick. I can't drive.
    I'll never make it to the doctor in grant's pass next week.

    ReplyDelete
  6. BMarch 5, 2025 at 3:30 PM

    I've cried for 3 days.. it won't stop

    I pray for death

    Your shit of a God can't even do that to
    The all l Trump NO on the 100$ bill
    That's bullshit to Ben Franklin is sacred

    ReplyDelete
  7. BMarch 5, 2025 at 3:30 PM

    I can't write

    ReplyDelete
  8. BMarch 6, 2025 at 6:31 AM

    https://www.facebook.com/dramasanddeepthoughts/videos/1309817323567938/

    ReplyDelete
  9. BMarch 6, 2025 at 5:29 PM

    Dan Milich was right about religion.
    You Christians are mostly passive aggressive bullies.
    When I was a good girl, in high school, and went to church and believed..I watched the other girls make fun of me and be nothing but big whores. It's funny. They're the same ones now who play little Ms. Churchie to death.

    ReplyDelete
  10. BMarch 9, 2025 at 5:02 PM

    I sure would love to know if Dan Milich even cared about me.

    He wanted a good wife and mother for his kids

    He never wanted me

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

An Anniversary August 9, 1974

Image
  50 incredible years. An anniversary There are moments in our lives that change the course of the future.  Aug.9, 1974 was one of those days. Nixon resigned.  A year before tragedy struck our family and took the life of my sweet sister leaving 3 helpless children and our mother destroyed. I miscarried our baby because of the stress.  But we survived the sad year and we're hoping I was pregnant again.  New life was needed! Somehow we survived and we found optimism in the midst of that hell.  Charlie Daniels was singing "The devil went down to Georgia". My husband Dan was driving us to meet friends at Oak Knoll in Ashland for dinner and dancing. I said no alcohol for me! We were excited about canning from the huge garden we raised.  Suddenly there's 2 lanes of traffic at a standstill on the freeway.  Dan slammed the brakes and the car was bouncing off guard rails.  No seat belts. He tried to hold me down from bouncing all over the car and disl...
Read more

Happy Anniversary, Almeda!

Image
  FOUR  years ago I was up before 5 am with the usual good morning Wake up call from an old school mate who was lonely. I didn't sleep much because of pain in my shoulder and neck. The day before I paid someone to trim my trees before winter. He managed to drop a big limb on me.   I was off to an 8 am haircut. Not a good day! She butchered me! So I went to work on all that tree trimming.  It was horribly smoky and the wind was blowing.  The Radio only had this report: There was a one structure fire in Ashland on Almeda Drive, fully contained.   Same News all day.  I depended on radio news, it has always been there..... Until that day.  Thanks for nothing, KMED and Bill Meyer who went on vacation and did nothing to cover local news while he was gone! With the first report of containment, it certainly sounded like someone was doing news that day on a NEWS STATION! BUT no one was, we found out too late. I went to Facebook.  Nothing. I turne...
Read more

The truth is

Image
  1st street central point Oregon. Easter Morning. We lived around the corner of a church. We went to the holy roller shack and I was terrified!  Mama was still so sick from almost losing her arm. Daddy was drunk and abusing her._____ Sometimes we don't want to heal..  Because pain is the only connection we have left to those we love.  It's the only way I have to ever see my children again! I can't do this anymore! I JUST WANT TO GO HOME! Finally made a bed he loves!! Pissed all over my beautiful bed! I finally owned a nice bed! Please take care of them! I'm leaving you plenty for this! Do something!
Read more